


Why is a Ravenclaw Like a Writing Desk?

by heiressofanor



Category: Alice in Wonderland (2010), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alice Kingsleigh is Luna's Mother, Brave Neville, Clumsy Neville, Crossover, Down the rabbit hole, F/M, Forbidden Forest, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Kidnapping, Marriage, Meeting the Parents, Mentions of Neville's Parents, Muchness, Outlands - Freeform, Patronus, Poems, Quests, Rescue, Singing, Songs, Tea Parties, Weddings, Wonderland
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6328531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heiressofanor/pseuds/heiressofanor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kidnapped brothers, a not-dead mother, and a mad step-father. Luna Lovegood is down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net under my same penname.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna follows her patronus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing! Not Harry Potter, not Alice in Wonderland, 2010.
> 
> Spoilers: HP up to DH (books). Takes place toward the beginning of the DH school year and at some point after the end of Alice in Wonderland, 2010.

** Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole **

 

Luna Lovegood was lonely.  Her sixth year at Hogwarts, while in some ways better than her first three years, was also significantly worse.  Headmaster Dumbledore had been killed at the end of the previous year and over the summer Voldemort had succeeded in taking control of the Ministry of Magic. He had appointed Professor Snape as headmaster of Hogwarts and Snape in turn had appointed two of his fellow Death Eaters, Alecto and Amycus Carrow, as professors of Muggle Studies and Defense Against the Dark Arts (now simply called the Dark Arts) respectively.  It was mainly because of these two new teachers and their new methods of punishment that Luna was so lonely.

                Harry, Ronald, Hermione, Mary, and Cassiopeia were off on their own adventure, fighting against Voldemort.  Neville, Ginevra, and Melinda were constantly in trouble with the Carrows for standing up for their fellow students and refusing to change their “blood traitor” ways.  Anaxandra (who _must_ have contracted a rather severe case of Hunderblingees, bizarre little creatures that fogged a person’s brain and caused her to make rather odd decisions) was spending most of her time bothering the Carrows and Snape to get her an audience with her biological parents, Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange.  And so Luna was very lonely indeed.

                “Oh Mordecai,” she said, “I miss my friends.  Neville and Ginevra have detention again, as does Melinda, and Anaxandra is off bothering Professor Snape again.  I don’t know what to do.”  She sighed. 

Mordecai, her white rabbit patronus (who for some inexplicable reason always wore a waistcoat and carried a pocket watch) twitched his long ears in the direction of the Forbidden Forest. 

Luna, perched in her favorite non-whomping willow by the lake, looked over to where Mordecai had gestured.  “Is there an adventure waiting for us, Mordecai?” she asked dreamily. 

Mordecai nodded. 

“Well then, let’s go.  Lead the way, Mordecai.”  She climbed down the tree and, after making sure no Death Eaters or student sympathizers were hanging about, followed Mordecai across the grounds.  “Mordecai,” she asked, “do you know why a Ravenclaw is like a writing desk?”

 

                “Where are we going, Mordecai?” asked Luna as her patronus led her further into the woods (and out of the woods and home before dark).  Her large, eerie, ice blue eyes widened dramatically.  “Have the Bungermokes given us a quest?  I do enjoy a good riddle and their quests are notorious for masterful riddles.” 

                Suddenly Mordecai disappeared from Luna’s sight.  “Mordecai?  Mordecai?  Where are you?” she called.  “Have you found the Crumple Horned Snorkack?” 

                Luna raced off in the direction Mordecai had disappeared.  As she ran, her sky blue peasant skirt caught on a low-hanging tree branch.  “Wait for me, Mordecai, I’m coming,” she called, tugging her skirt free and rolling up the sleeves of her overlarge, royal blue jumper (it was one Neville had given her one day when she had forgotten her own).

                Luna continued to follow the trail of silvery light that Mordecai left behind as he hopped along.  She stopped when she noticed that the trail led right down a rabbit hole the base of a rather large tree.  “Curiouser and curiouser,” she murmured.  She crawled headfirst down the hole without hesitation.  “I’m coming, Mordecai,” she called.   “Wait for me.”

 

                Luna soon found herself falling, her hair floating in pale, blonde waves behind her.  She wasn’t afraid, though.  This was even better than all the times she and her father had gone on expeditions searching for extraordinary creatures.  She began humming softly to herself and eventually she began to sing:

 

                “ _Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts!_

_Teach us something please!_

_Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees._

_Our minds could do with filling with some interesting stuff_

_For now they’re bare and full of air,_

_Dead flies and bits of fluff._

_So teach us things worth knowing,_

_Bring back what we forgot_

_Just do your best, we’ll do the rest_

_And learn until our brains all rot!_ ”

 

                Luna hit the ground just as she finished singing.  She stood up, her hair in disarray and her clothes all rumpled, and pulled her wand out from behind her radish-bedecked ear.  Proving once again why she belonged in Ravenclaw, she remained calm and collected as she took in the room she had landed in.

                The circular walls were covered with doors of varying sizes (“All locked, I suppose,” she murmured).  In the middle of the room stood a tall table on which sat an old-fashioned silver key and a small glass bottle.  Luna stepped closer to better examine the objects.  “Drink me,” she said, reading the label on the bottle.  “Hmm…” 

                Luna picked up the key and looked around at the doors, puzzling out what she should do next.  Her large, pale eyes settled on the smallest door.  “Of course,” she said.  “One must be small in order to fit through such a door.  Even Professor Flitwick would be too large.  If I drink this potion, I shall be small enough to fit.”  She held tight to the key as she performed a charm on her clothes (she wasn’t wearing shoes or socks, as usual) to allow them to shrink or grow with her.  She then stuck her wand back behind her ear and took another look around the room.  She spotted a small box under the table labeled and picked it up.  Luna gave a cry of delight and took one of the pastries labeled “eat me” from the box.  Satisfied that she had the situation puzzled out, Luna picked up the bottle with her free hand and took a small sip.

                She felt a strange tickling sensation go through her as the potion worked its magic.  She found herself growing smaller and smaller and she smiled dreamily.  Everything was coming together swimmingly.  Once she stopped shrinking, Luna set down the now much-too-large bottle.  She walked over to the smallest door and, finding that the key fit perfectly, opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read & comment! No flames, thank you!


	2. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I should note that I've never written an Alice in Wonderland story before, so if my character portrayals are a bit off, please bear with me. I've read the book and seen both the Tim Burton and animated Disney movies so I'm going a lot off my memories for this story, which at times may unintentionally mesh together various aspects of these portrayals, though I will be sticking as close to the Tim Burton version as possible.

** Chapter 2: Curiouser and Curiouser **

****

                The world on the other side of the door was full of colors, colors that were brighter and more intense than any Luna had ever seen before.  She twirled down the yellow brick path in a sort of hopscotch skip and hummed a delightful tune which she couldn’t actually remember.  She passed by a garden of flowers with faces, tittering and gossiping amongst themselves.  She smiled dreamily and waved at them as she danced past (though one flower in particular, which bore a startling resemblance to a certain pink toad, gave her pause).  She pirouetted past lovely, large mushrooms of bright shades of red and orange which made her remember fondly the late, great Headmaster Dumbledore, who always had a kindly word and a cup of pomegranate tea for a lonely, eccentric Ravenclaw.

                “ _Who_ are _you_?”

                Luna paused mid-step, one bare foot planted firmly on the ground, the other leg bent at the knee, toe pointed inward to her calf.  “Hello,” she said dreamily.  “I didn’t expect to find you here, Professor Snape, sir.”

                The large blue caterpillar blinked slowly and puffed on his hookah.  “ _Who_ are _you_?” he repeated.

                “I’m Luna, sir,” she said, folding her hands in front of her and bowing at the waist without losing her balance.  “I don’t think you are the Professor after all, though you do sound like him.  He usually doesn’t go around as a caterpillar, anyway.”

                “Luna,” said Caterpillar Snape, blowing rings of multicolored smoke in the air.  “You look like an Alice to me.”

                Luna smiled brightly.  “Alice was my mother’s name.  She must have come here too.”

                “There’s always been an Alice here,” replied Caterpillar Snape.

                “Oh, well that’s a good thing, I suppose.  Alices are very good sorts of people.  My Neville has an Alice mother as well.  People say she’s mad, but it’s not her fault.  She never meant to forget her baby, I’m sure.  That’s a very horrible thing to forget.”

                Caterpillar Snape blinked slowly and his dark eyes finally focused on Luna.  “If it’s madness you are seeking, just follow that path,” he said, pointing three of his arms toward a side path, paved over in lurid purple.  “The Hatters and the Hare always welcome guests to their tea parties.”

                “Thank you, Snapeapiller,” she said cheerily, waving at him as she resumed her odd skipping dance down the path he had indicated.

                The purple path was long and twisted, weaving around the tall, colorful trees of the dense woods.  Luna twirled and whirled along her way, humming and whistling whatever tune tickled her fancy.  “I think that I shall never see/ A poem as lovely as a tree,” Luna sing-songed, caressing the bark of a particularly lovely orange deciduous tree.  “I took the one less traveled by,” she hummed, glancing lazily down the path, “and that has made all the difference.”

 

                Luna had lost track of how long she had been traveling down her purple path.  On the best of days, time got away from her. Here in this strange land where nothing was as it seemed and everything was exactly as it was, time seemed to stand on its head.  Finally, just ahead of her, the purple bricks seemed to peter off and turn into grass.  She could hear the soft sounds of voices and laughter rising from just beyond her sight.  Being in no particular hurry, Luna continued on her steady hop-twirling pace.  “A very merry un-birthday to me,” she sang to herself, preforming a particularly difficult sort of hop-stepping kick.

                She reached the end of the path, landing a graceful leap onto the grass.  In front of her was a small creek and, just beyond, a quaint house that reminded her of the Weasleys’ Burrow.  In front of the house, on the opposite bank of the creek, lay a long, mismatched table laden with a number of odd dishes and platters.  Seated at the table was an odd assortment of guests; a grey and turquoise striped cat, a small rapier wielding mouse, a wild twitching hare, a pale man with wild orange hair, and a woman whose blonde curls were the same color as Luna’s own pale golden waves.

                Luna neatly dodged the first flying teacup, thrown by the twitching hare in a manic fit of laughter.  The second she transfigured into a stuffed sea turtle with practiced ease.  “Thank you, Mr. Hare,” she said airily as she bounced over the small bridge to the tea-time table.  “My Anaxandra does so love sea creatures; I shall be sure to pass along your regards to her.”

                The hare barely blinked at her before turning back to his argument with the dormouse and the striped cat.  The orange haired man stood up, an overlarge and worn top hat on his head, and called out to her, “Good morrow to you, fair stranger.  Would you care to join our tea party this fine day?”

                Luna smiled dreamily and replied, “Thank you, Mr. Hatter.  I always enjoy a lovely tea party on the lawn.  It is such a nice day, after all.”

                The Hatter grinned widely at her, exposing white teeth with a sizable gap between the front two.  He pulled out the chair directly to his right and said, “Come, join us my dear.  We always have room for new and exciting guests.”

                Luna scampered over and sat down, still clutching the stuffed sea turtle.  “I do so love your hat, Mr. Hatter.  It’s so very much.”

                “Why thank you.  And since you are joining our tea party already in progress, I must introduce you to our regular guests.  Down there we have Thackery Earwick the March Hare, Mallymkun the Dormouse, and Chessur the Cheshire Cat.  I am Tarrant Hightopp, though most call me the Hatter, and this,” he said, holding the blonde woman’s hand lovingly, “is my wife _the_ Alice.”

                Luna smiled dreamily.  “How do you do.  I’m not an Alice, but I am Luna.”

                Alice gasped and shot up from her seat.  “That’s not poss— _Luna_?”

                “That’s my name my whole life,” she said.  She cocked her head curiously at the older woman.  “Do I know you?” she asked.  “I thought I only knew two Alices and I’m very sure they’re both accounted for and not down the rabbit hole with me.”

                “I knew a Luna, once,” said Alice slowly.  “She was just a small thing when I had to leave her; bright and full of boundless energy.  And, oh, her imagination…there was nothing more wonderful than that beautiful imagination of hers.  She was the moon in my dark sky; the hope in my dreary life.  That was why I chose Luna as her name, the day that I gave her life.”

                “My Neville’s Alice is quite mad,” said Luna frowning sadly.  “She was tortured and she lost her mind; she no longer recognizes her own son and lives in the hospital with her Frank.  My Alice…she died, long ago, when I was quite small.  I was there when it happened; she was so smiling and happy, telling me of her many adventures in wonderful Underland, and then…she was simply gone.  Daddy said she moved on to Heaven to live with the angels, but I always thought she’d somehow found her way back to Underland.”  She cocked her head to the side curiously.  “Is that where we are?”

                If the Hatter was surprised by Luna’s insightfulness, he didn’t show it.  “Indeed we are,” he said, “and the finest part outside the White Queen’s palace, if I do say so myself.”

                “So modest, my Tarrant,” said Alice dryly, her chocolate eyes still fixed on Luna.  “Where are you from, dear Luna?”

                “I came from school,” she said dreamily.  “Mordecai led me on an excellent adventure through the Forbidden Forest.”

                “The Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts,” asked Alice.

                Luna hummed.  “Yes.  Are you a witch as well?”

                “I was, once upon a time,” admitted Alice, her gaze growing more intent.  “What is your surname?”

                “Oh, I’m a Lovegood,” she replied dreamily.  “Father says it’s been in the family forever, so he gave it to me to use as I wish.”

                Alice seemed to suddenly look at Luna in a whole new light.  “Luna Lenore Lovegood,” she said faintly; her legs gave out and she landed hard on her chair, “the only daughter born of Xenophilius and Alice Lovegood.”

                Luna’s blue gaze seemed to sharpen as she narrowed her focus on Alice.  “Yes; how do you know this?”

                Alice’s eyes were filled with a mix of sadness and joy as she locked gazes with Luna.  “I will always know you, Luna.  I’m your mother, my darling moon-child.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The poems that Luna quotes are "Trees" by Joyce Kilmer and "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. Also, the Un-birthday song comes from Disney's animated interpretation of Alice in Wonderland. I OWN NOTHING!


	3. The Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville follows Luna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: A bit of a short chapter (more of an interlude, really), but still a chapter. :)

** Chapter 3: The Knight **

****

                Neville was worried.  He’d been out of detention for over an hour and he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Luna.  He knew that she still occasionally had trouble with bullies, but it wasn’t like her to hide.  He had checked all of her usual haunts and talked to their friends (though Andra made next to no sense, as usual), but no one had seen her since breakfast.  It just wasn’t like her to disappear without telling someone.  She didn’t like being alone.

                Eventually he made his way outside, wandering the grounds all the way out to the edge of the Forbidden Forest.  He was idling by Hagrid’s hut when he saw something silvery flicker though the trees at the edge of the trees.  He stepped closer and a grin broke across his face when he recognized Luna’s rabbit patronus.  She had taken to casting the spell like a fish to water and with her overabundance of happy memories she was known to cast the spell whenever her whimsy struck. 

“Mordecai?” he called out hesitantly, unsure of why exactly he was talking to a _patronus_ of all things.  “Do _you_ know where Luna is?”  The rabbit (clad in an old-fashioned waistcoat with a pocket watch) twitched its ears in invitation and hopped off into the forest.  “Wait!” cried Neville, sprinting after the silvery creature.  “Wait for me!”

He followed the glowing rabbit, dodging trees and branches, tripping occasionally, but never faltering.  He was determined to find Luna before dark; the Forbidden Forest was a dark and dangerous place.  The rabbit eventually stopped beside a tree with a large hole at its base.  Mordecai stood there only long enough for Neville to catch up before disappearing down the hole.  Neville hesitated only a moment before diving headfirst down the hole after the rabbit patronus.  His thoughts were fixated on finding Luna; everything else paled in comparison.

 

Neville fell for what felt like hours.  He had started his journey in a dive, but had at some point twisted around so that he was falling horizontally.  Eventually a small, circular room came into view and he braced himself for impact.  Just his luck, he slammed his left shoulder into the only piece of furniture in the room (a small, round table) before he hit the ground.  He rolled a couple of feet before he smacked into the wall.  Groaning, he sat up, bashing his head into something hard and cold in the process.  He yelped and saw stars.  He rubbed his head and glared at the offending object; it was a brass doorknob!  A doorknob meant a door, which meant a way out.  He glanced around and his heart sank into his stomach; the walls of the room were all lined with doors of all shapes and sizes.  How was he ever going to figure out which one to take?

He sank back to the floor and buried his face in his hands.  He was thinking of giving up hope when suddenly he felt a cool breeze on his bare arms.  He jerked his head up, hazel eyes scanning the room.  _There_.  There was a small door (much too small for a human) on the other side of the room that was cracked slightly open.

                Neville scanned the room critically, searching for something to help him fit through the tiny door.  The only thing in the room was the empty table.  He did a double take and rubbed his eyes harshly.  He’d only turned his back for half a second, but now there was a small bottle of some blue liquid sitting innocently in the center.

                “I could’ve sworn…” he mumbled to himself as he gingerly picked up the bottle and rolled it between his hands.  “Drink me,” he read aloud from the label.  He frowned.  He was fairly certain this was a stupendously bad idea, bordering on reckless, but… “When in Rome,” he said, tipping the bottle into his mouth and swallowing the cool liquid.

                Shrinking was a strange sensation, one Neville had never experienced before.  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was surprised that some bully hadn’t tried it on him before.  Those days were long past, though.  Neville was a Gryffindor and now, more than ever, the world needed people to be brave and stand up for what was right (consequences be damned).  Drawing on that bravery once again, Neville closed his eyes and waited until his insides and outsides had settled before opening them back up and striding purposefully through the door.

 

                The world on the other side of the door was colorful and strange, but Neville found that he couldn’t truly enjoy it.  He glanced around for the most likely path Luna would have taken, but he was overwhelmed.  This whole world was as whimsical and wild as his lovely Luna; how could he pick just one way?

                A cold nose bumped against his back.  He whirled around to face a strange black-spotted, white furred creature as large as a hippogriff, but with vaguely feline features.  In its teeth it held a sword.  “Is—is that for me?” he asked, attempting to keep his voice from quavering.  The strange creature nodded and allowed Neville to take it.  Once Neville held the sword in his hands, the creature kneeled down and gave him a look.  “You want me to climb on?” he asked.  The creature nodded again.  “Will you take me to Luna?” he asked.  Another nod, so Neville climbed onto the creature’s back.  He held on tight to the loose fur of its neck as it took off in great leaps and bounds into the colorful woods.

 

                It didn’t take long for Neville and the creature to pass through the thick trees.  Soon they reached a slow flowing river.  On the opposite bank lay a strange house, shaped vaguely like a chessboard knight.  On the front lawn lay a long table set for tea with an odd assortment of creatures in attendance including…

                “Luna!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neville has come to Wonderland...what will happen next?


	4. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville catches up to Luna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I honestly don't know where most of this chapter came from, but it happened so I'm going with it. ;)

** Chapter 4: Twinkle, Twinkle Little Bat **

****

“Luna!”

                Luna looked up dreamily from her cup of tea (a lovely mixture of snozzberry and lemongrass).  “Hello Neville, hello Horatio,” she said.

                Neville slipped rather ungracefully from Horatio’s back, clutching a long sword in a white-knuckled hand.  “Are you alright, Luna?” he called out urgently, taking the short path from the stream to the table with long, purposeful strides.

                “I’m lovely, my Neville,” she said.  “I’ve found my Mummy down here, you see.  She’s not really dead after all.”

                Neville furrowed his brow in confusion.  “What do you mean, Luna?” he asked.  “You told me she died when you were nine.”

                “That’s what I saw,” said Luna, “but really she went home to Underland.”

                “Where’s that?”

                “Why here, of course,” said Luna.  “Though she sometimes used to call it Wonderland when she would tell me stories of a Mad Hatter, a White Queen, poor Horatio the Bandersnatch, and the Jabberwocky she slayed with the Vorpal Sword.”

                Neville scratched his head in confusion.  “Normally I can follow you, Luna-Love, but you’ve lost me this time.”

                Luna smiled mysteriously at him.  “That’s alright, my Neville,” she said.  “Underland is as good a place as any to be lost in; most are lost here.  Lost and mad.  I do believe we shall fit in magnificently here.”

                Neville smiled back at her, a slightly uncertain, but trusting twist of his lips.  “Alright, Luna-Love, I’ll take your word for it.”

                “Are you going to introduce us to your friend, Luna darling?” asked Alice, staring at Neville with a studying expression on her pale face.

                “Mother, this is my Neville,” said Luna dreamily.  “He’s my One and Only.  He’s going to ask me to marry him someday.”

                Neville flushed pink.  “Luna,” he said, “should you be telling your mother this?”

                Luna cocked her head to the side curiously.  “Of course,” she said.  “You tell your mother all the time.”

                Neville’s face flushed brighter.  “Th-that—you weren’t supposed to hear that,” he mumbled.

                Luna gave him a peck on the cheek.  “Don’t worry, Neville; I’m going to say yes,” she said.

                The Hatter clapped his hands and laughed with glee.  “Oh excellent,” he said.  “We shall have a wedding before the next Frabjoas Day!”

                “Oh b-b-but I haven’t asked her yet,” Neville stuttered in protest.

                “Nonsense!” cried the Hatter, striding over to the boy and patting him on the shoulder.  “Haven’t you a ring?”

                “W-well, y-y-yes, but…”

                “They you shall be married tomorrow before you set off on your quest!” he announced. 

                “Quest?” said Neville.  “I-I don’t understand…”

                “Queen Mirana shall preside over the ceremony,” the Hatter said.  “Oh there is so much to do and time is running away— _stop that pocket watch_!”  He rushed off across the stream after a flash of silver and white.

                Neville was lost.  He turned to Luna, who was smiling brightly under her mother’s attention.  “L-Luna?” he said.  “What just happened?”

                Alice smirked at the confused boy.  “My husband just gave you my daughter’s hand in marriage,” she said.

                Neville furrowed his brow in confusion.  “I-I was planning to wait until we were done with school before I proposed,” he said.

                Luna laid her small hand on his arm.  “There may not be an after school, if Voldemort has his way,” she said practically.

                “You’re right,” said Neville, sighing.  “May I at least propose properly?”

                Luna smiled as brightly as the sun.  “You wouldn’t be my Neville if you didn’t.”

                Neville smiled back and dropped down to one knee.  “Luna Lenore Lovegood,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small, blue velvet bag.  “Will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?”  He pulled the strings of the bag and out dropped a small, gold ring, which he held out to her.

                “Of course I will,” said Luna, letting him slip the ring onto her finger.  Up close she could tell that it was old and well cared for; a simple thing with a single diamond cut into an oval shape.  “Was this your mother’s?”

                He shook his head.  “That’s Gran’s ring,” he said.  “She gave it to me when I told her I wanted to marry you someday.  She said Mum’s ring should stay with Mum…they’re still married, even if they can’t remember.”

                “Oh Neville.”  Luna launched herself at her boyfriend and threw her arms around him.  “I love it, but not as much as I love you.”

                “I love you too, Luna.”

 

                The inside of the strangely shaped home was just as eclectic and varied as the owners.  A myriad of colored fabric pieces covered every surface and the walls were painted over with strange murals in various stages of completion.  Hatting tools were scattered across the place and bookshelves full to bursting climbed up the walls at impossible angles.  Despite the clutter, the place was clean and well-loved.  Neville, still on edge after his abrupt proposal, chose to sit on a wobbly stool at the low, spade shaped table, cradling a chipped cup of tea in his hands.  Luna, conversely, flitted about the place like a butterfly, twirling and exploring every nook and cranny while Alice and Neville looked on fondly.

                “When shall your Hatter return, Mother?” she asked as she examined a small, bright orange rubber ball.

                Alice smiled fondly.  “Tarrant shall return when the mood strikes,” she said.  “He never leaves me alone for too long, though.”

                Luna set the ball down and moved to pick up a red leather-bound book that was poking out from under one of the shelves.  She opened it and carefully turned the pages.  “This is a children’s picture book,” she observed aloud.  “Have you a child with your Hatter?”

                Alice’s dark eyes turned sad.  “Twins,” she said, “but they were stolen away in the night to I know not where.”

                “How long have they been missing?” asked Neville, setting his teacup down gently.

                “Just now a fortnight,” replied Alice.  “Tarrant took it quite badly; he once lost his little sister in much the same way.  He is fearful we will never see our boys again.”

                “This is our quest, then,” hummed Luna.  “We must find my brothers.  Are they very young?”

                “They’re just four.  Lorcan and Lycan are their names.”

                “We’ll find them for you, ma’am,” promised Neville.

                “After your wedding,” said Alice firmly.  “Tarrent has his heart set on it.  He’s probably run off to make you a dress, Luna dear.”

                “Oh how lovely,” said Luna.  “I can’t wait to see it.”

                “You’ll simply love it,” promised Alice, a wistful smile on her face.  “My Tarrant does beautiful work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment to feed the dragon muses. (Flames send them on a fiery rampage.)


	5. Painting the Roses Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville and Luna take a big step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Another chapter of nonsensical happenings in Wonderland/Underland. (Honestly, I feel like this chapter kind of had a mind of its own.)
> 
> AN2: I'm not sure how long this story will be, but I honestly can't see it dragging out too much longer. As always, I could be proven wrong as I continue to write future chapters. ;)

** Chapter 5: Painting the Roses Red **

****

                Luna hummed a strange ditty as the Hatter fit her wedding dress to her.  Soon enough he too was humming along.  “This is a lovely dress,” commented Luna, rubbing the tulle of the overskirt between her fingers.  “I think it rather needs some yellow in it, though.”

                “Excellent idea, Luna!” said the Hatter, jumping to his feet and scurrying across the room to dig through his chest of fabrics.

                Luna giggled brightly.  “Have you been dancing with the Jackalope again, Mr. Hightopp?” she asked.

                “Bruce is a lovely dance partner,” said the Hatter, returning to Luna holding a bolt of buttercup yellow chiffon.  “How is this?  Perhaps a cheerful overskirt?”

                “Oh that would be most wonderful!” exclaimed Luna.  “On top of the tulle?”

                “But of course,” said the Hatter already busy cutting a pattern from the cheerful fabric.  “This shall be my greatest masterpiece yet.”

 

                “Thrust, one two, block.  Strike, parry, block.  Very good, Neville,” praised Alice as she ran him through some basic sword exercises.  “You’re getting the hang of this quick.”

                Neville shrugged casually and blushed at the praise.  “It’s a lot like using a wand,” he said.  “A lot of the movements are similar, just with more force behind them…and with something a lot heavier than a wand.”

                “Obviously,” said Alice, laughing.  “Still I’m glad to see you’re doing so well with this.  It took me some time to get used to mine as well,” she admitted.

                “A-and you were a witch as well, back before you, uh, died?” asked Neville.

                “Aye, that I was,” said Alice.  “I didn’t know it, though, because my birth father didn’t want a daughter and so he had my birth mother send me off to her cousins, who already had one and wished for a second.  I didn’t know that magic existed in Overland until I was already grown and had taken over my adopted father’s business.”

                “My family thought I was a squib until I was eight and my Uncle Algie accidently dropped me when he was holding me out a window and I bounced.”

                Alice frowned.  “He shouldn’t have done that,” she said.  “Why didn’t your parents stop him?”

                Neville ducked his head in shame.  “My parents live in the long-term care ward at St. Mungo’s,” he said.  “I grew up with my grandparents.  It’s just Gran and me now, though we do visit my parents as often as we can.”

                “I’m sorry,” said Alice softly, looking like she wanted to hug him, but wasn’t sure if she should.  “Luna said something about that, but I didn’t even think…your mother’s name is Alice as well?”

                “Yes,” said Neville.  “Alice and Frank Longbottom, two of the best aurors the ministry ever had.  They were tortured into insanity by Bellatrix Lestrange, her husband Rodolphus, his brother Rabastan, and their friend Barty Crouch, Jr. when I was just a baby.”  He sounded like he was parroting back something he had been told his whole life rather than his parents’ story. 

Alice gave into her motherly instincts and hugged the boy tight.  “I’m sorry,” she said softly.  “I wish I could do something to fix this for you.”

 

Luna cocked her head to the side and studied herself in the mirror curiously.  “It a lovely dress, Mr. Hightopp,” she said.  “Thank you.”

“You look lovely in it, Luna,” said the Hatter, surreptitiously wiping a tear from his bright green eyes.  “I would have loved to see my little Ophelia in such a dress.”

“Your sister?” asked Luna.  “Mother mentioned something about her.”

“Aye,” said the Hatter sadly.  “She would be about your age now.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Hightopp,” she said kindly, giving him a hug.  “I know it’s not the same, but would you like to give me away to my Neville since my Father isn’t here right now?”

“Oh that would be lovely, Luna,” said the Hatter happily.  “I would so love to give you away.  Are you sure your father won’t mind?”

“Oh Daddy won’t care,” said Luna airily, “it’s not like he’s here, anyway.  Besides, when Neville and I get married again he’ll give me away then.  We must have a wedding for all of our friends in Overland, after all.”

 

“Do you know who took your sons?” Neville asked Alice as they sat down for a cup of tea after their sword practice.

“We have an idea,” said Alice, “but we can’t prove anything.  Most of Underland thinks she’s no longer a problem, after all.”

“She?”

“Iracebeth, who once ruled Underland as the hated Red Queen, also called the Queen of Hearts.  She and her right hand man, Stayne, the Knave of Hearts, were banished to the Outlands after I slayed the Jabberwocky.  We thought we’d seen the last of them then, but a few years ago there were rumors that they’d escaped and were terrorizing the citizens of Underland once again.  We never found any concrete proof, but when Lorcan and Lycan were taken and a crude heart was carved into our lawn, we realized that it couldn’t be anyone else.”

 

Luna and Neville’s Underland wedding went off without a hitch.  Neville still wasn’t sure that this wasn’t some elaborate dream that his sleep deprived mind had concocted, but he was too happy to really question it beyond a casual thought.  The White Queen Mirana presided over the ceremony and the Hatter walked Luna down the aisle; Mallyumkun the Dormouse was the maid of honor and Bayard the Bloodhound was the best man.  The March Hare played the organ with great enthusiasm and the Cheshire Cat was in charge of the rings.  Overall, Neville thought it was the strangest wedding he’d ever attended, but since it ended with the Queen pronouncing Luna his wife (and he her husband) he really couldn’t complain.  The young newlywed couple was led off to the palace garden for the reception and neither could stop grinning the rest of the night.  It was the happiest day of their young lives, even without most of their family and friends to share it with them.  Neville only hoped that he wouldn’t suddenly wake up to find himself back under the Carrows’ wands or, worse, find out this was all some elaborate plot cooked up by Snape to get him so relaxed that he’d snitch on his friends.  Still, if this _was_ all some hoax, he figured he might as well enjoy it as long as he could.  So he threw himself wholeheartedly into the festive spirt and twirled his new wife wildly around the dance floor, where they danced in elaborate patterns with Alice and Tarrant.  It was a wonderful party and he wished that it would simply go on forever and ever, just him and Luna and the colorful inhabitants of Underland.

 

“Are you ready for our quest tomorrow?” asked Luna as she brushed her silky, blonde hair at the vanity in the room Mirana had provided for them.

“As ready as I can be,” said Neville, washing his off face over the golden basin by the bed.  “Your mother is freakishly good with a sword, by the way.”

Luna smiled serenely.  “That’s because she slayed the Jabberwocky when she was just a bit older than you, my Neville.  She’s had a long time to practice.”

“How are we going to find your brothers anyway?” asked Neville.  “We don’t know our way around this place.”

“Horatio will come with us,” said Luna serenely.

“Horatio?” said Neville quizzically.  “Who’s he?”

“The Bandersnatch,” said Luna.  “You road on his back up to the Knight-House; surely you remember?”

“That cat-like beast?” said Neville.  “I didn’t realize that’s what it- _he_ was.  Or that he had a name.”

“Everything has a name, my Neville,” said Luna.  “You just have to take the time to stop and ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Save a plot dragon; leave a comment! (Don't flame me, please.)


	6. Neville's Muchness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neville and Luna find the Red Queen's fortress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Finally a new chapter! It's not very long, but as I've said before, I feel like this story is nearly done. Maybe just a few more chapters to get to the end. Enjoy!

** Chapter 6: Neville’s Muchness **

****

                Neville had been a bit iffy about riding on Horatio the Bandersnatch again, but Luna had no such qualms.  “See, Neville, he doesn’t mind at all,” she said from atop the white and black beast, purring in contentment under her tender ministrations.

                “That’s not what worries me,” he muttered.

                “Oh Neville,” she giggled.  “Horatio’s a very nice Bandersnatch.  You should give him another chance.”

                He sighed.  “Of course, Luna.”  He reached out a trembling hand and touched Horatio’s cold, wet nose.  “Good boy,” he said shakily.

                Horatio snorted and sneezed, shaking his head and pushing gently against the boy’s hand.  Luna smiled.  “He likes you,” she said happily.

                Neville smiled faintly.  “I guess he’s not so bad,” he said.

                “Hop on, Neville,” she said.  “We mustn’t wait too long; Underland can get rather dangerous after the sun sets.  That’s when the creatures of shadow and darkness come out to play.”

 

                Neville and Luna rode Horatio out of the great white gates of the palace into the strange, purple and orange woods that surrounded it.  Horatio moved with cat-like grace and confidence, without needing either rider to guide him.  Luna hummed a tune that Neville was not familiar with and leaned back against him.  “We’re off to see the Wizard,” she sang, “the Wonderful Wizard of Oz…”

                It was a long journey through the Underland Woods, but Horatio’s long, loping run made it fly by.  Soon enough the couple found themselves at the far edge of the woods with a vast, empty wasteland lying ahead of them.  “I think this is it, Luna,” said Neville.  “That’s _got_ to be the Outlands.”

                “I believe it is, my Neville,” said Luna, her fair face unusually grim.  “I do believe the easy part of our quest is now behind us.”

                “I was afraid you were going to say that,” said Neville glumly. 

Luna simply smiled serenely at him.  “Onward, Horatio,” she told the Bandersnatch and the creature took off toward the empty, barren land at a lolloping run.

 

Iracabeth’s fortress wasn’t hard to miss.  Even if it wasn’t the only structure for miles around, it still stood out like a sore thumb.  “It’s very…red,” said Neville quietly. 

He felt Luna smile against his shoulder and she hummed lightly.  “I wonder what she’s compensating for,” she said airily.  “It’s so very large.”

Neville snorted.  “Are you ready?” he asked.

“Always,” replied Luna, leaning forward to peck him on the cheek before sliding off Horatio’s back.  She patted the creature gently on the head before disillusioning herself. 

Though Neville could no longer see her, he knew she was scoping out the former Red Queen’s fortress.  He leaned forward and buried his face in the Bandersnatch’s furry neck.  “I know she’s more than capable, Horatio,” he murmured to the animal, “but I still worry.  I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to her.”  Horatio, unsurprisingly, didn’t respond to the young man, but he did give a sympathetic sort of purr.  “I know,” he sighed.  “I just have to find my courage, that’s all.  It’s not as easy as some people make it look, you know.”

 

Luna had been gone far too long, by Neville’s estimation, and he was growing horrendously worried.  “What if something bad’s happened to her, Horatio?” said Neville, winding his fingers tightly into the fur at the scruff of the creature’s neck.  “Should I go after her or should I wait a while longer?”  Horatio grumbled low in his throat, nearly a growl, and Neville nodded his head in understanding.  “You’re right, Horatio, I should go after her.”  He slid off the Bandersnatch and pulled his sword out of its sheath, tucked safely into the straps of the carrying packs strapped to Horatio’s back.  “If I’m not back with Luna in ten minutes, go get help,” Neville said to the creature.  The Bandersnatch nodded his head and sneezed in agreement.  “Right,” said Neville, taking a deep breath to gather his courage, “I guess it’s all on me now.”  With that, he squared his shoulders and boldly took off toward Iracabeth’s imposing fortress.

 

The fortress was strangely lacking in guards, even close up.  Neville was no expert in espionage, but he smelled a trap.  He tiptoed softly along the wall, hugging it as close as he could, until he reached the rather ostentatious front gate.  It was the only way he’d seen in or out of the complex…unless one cared to attempt to scale the three story high stone wall surrounding the entire thing.  He contemplated the idea for about half a second before shaking his head at his own foolishness.  He was clumsy enough on the ground and even worse off of it; attempting to scale the wall had utter disaster written all over it.  Instead, he hesitantly reached out to the gate and gently pulled.  Surprisingly it opened with little resistance.  He paused before passing over the threshold, more convinced than ever that this was some sort of trap (what kind of villain just leaves their front door wide open anyway?), but he passed through nonetheless.

By the time he reached the building (which was quite small compared to the grounds encircled by the wall) he was convinced that either Iracabeth was the most overconfident villain _ever_ or she was severely understaffed.  His knowledge of Underland being what it was, he didn’t feel confident drawing one conclusion over the other, so he simply thanked Merlin for small favors and continued on in search of his beloved.

He followed the sound of shoes clicking on marble down the corridors, keeping to the shadows along the wall, but still he ran into no opposition.  The sound echoing off the stone walls grew louder the further into the fortress he went.  The first signs of life didn’t appear until he was in sight of the throne room.  As he drew closer, the sound of voices, one raised in anger, began to drown out the clacking sounds he had previously been following.

“STAYNE!”  At the loud bellow, Neville flattened himself against the wall, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest.  When no one passed by him, he breathed a sigh of relief and slowly inched along the wall until he could peer into the throne room.

The woman who loomed furiously was a sight to behold.  Her curled hair, outlandishly red, was piled on top of a head that was far too large for her slight body.  Neville was surprised that she didn’t simply topple over from the great weight resting atop her neck.  The man she was yelling at seemed to have no such belief, though, as he curled his tall frame in on himself to avoid her ire.  “Did you lock the girl away like I told you to, Stayne?” she asked, her voice loud and commanding.

“Of course, my queen,” simpered Stayne.  “She’s locked away with the Hatter and Alice’s twins, as you commanded.”

“At last you did _something_ right,” the red queen snapped, whirling around so that her back was to the dark clothed knight.

Neville bit back a gasp.  It was faint, but something about Iracabeth’s face reminded him of Bellatrix Lestrange, the woman who had had a hand in torturing his parents into insanity.  He had heard enough.  He slowly inched his way back along the wall until he could no longer see into the throne room.  He then broke into a run, keeping to the shadows and staying constantly vigilant, as Professor Moody had taught, as he searched the castle fortress for the entrance to the dungeons where his beloved was surely being held.

 

The inside of the fortress was just as lacking in guards as the outside.  The dark, echoing corridors of the stone building made Neville nervous and jumpy as he searched high and low for his missing bride.  He stopped at every locked door, relying on his ears even more than his eyes, listening intently for the dulcet sound of Luna’s voice.  Finally, at the twenty-second wooden door, he heard the faintest ringing of bell-like laughter.

“ _Alohomora_ ,” he whispered, pointing his wand at the lock.  A faint click and he was able to push the heavy door open with just a single soft creak.  He padded quietly up the stairs, his sneakers making faint squeaking noises as he ascended up, up, up to the top of the tower.  The stairs wound around in a circle and he began to feel slightly dizzy the further up he went.

After climbing for what felt like hours, Neville finally reached the top of the stairs and found himself facing a lone, wooden door crossed with sturdy metal bands.  He tentatively tugged on the ringed handle, but to no avail.  “Figures,” he muttered to himself.  “Why’d I even think that would work?  No bad guy’s _that_ incompetent.”

“Hello?” he heard a soft, familiar voice say.  “Is someone out there?”

“Luna?” he called out, frantically banging on the door.  “It’s me, Neville.  Are you okay?”

“We’re all quite well, my Neville,” said Luna, her voice muffled through the thick door, “but we’d like to leave now.”

“I’m working on it Luna-love,” he said, pointing his wand at the lock and muttering “ _Alohomora_.”  Nothing happened.  “Alright, plan B.”  He glanced around the tower landing, hoping for some inspiration.  There were no windows, no other doors, a set of keys on a hook…he did a double take.  Surely it couldn’t be _that_ easy.  He reached out and pulled the keys down, trying the first one in the lock.  Nothing happened.  He repeated the same with keys two through six before he had any luck.  “Lucky number seven,” he muttered as he heard the gears click and the heavy door opened with a painfully loud _CREAK_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and tell me what you think! (No flames please!)


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